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Knocked Up by a Jew? No!

or Movies I Would Pay $12 to See
By Jay Melonosky

Synopsis: Dim-witted slut Jamie Lynn Spears meets a nice boy in church, spreads her legs, and nine months later out pops a baby -- and it's Jewish! No matter how hard they all scrub the Jew just won't come off! (Entertainment Weekly)


Jamie Lynn Spears got the clap

Synopsis: Dimwitted slut Jamie Lynn Spears goes out dancing with her sister. They both meet the boy of their dreams, or do they? Red Bull and a bottle of Jack can mess with a girl's mind. Unfortunately, Britney's kids get fussy before mom can finish the guy off so Jamie Lynn steps in and has unprotected sex. The next day Seth Rogen calls to tell her that the sore on his dick wasn't a Britney bitemark, he's got the Clap! Seth Rogen? Yuck! Nine months later a baby pops out and it's blind! You try selling a blind newborn to that nice, yuppie couple. (Entertainment Weekly)


Jamie Lynn Spears with full blown aids

Synopsis: Dimwitted slut Jamie Lynn Spears meets a nice boy at church, okay, it was a Klan rally. Nice months later she's ravaged by full blown AIDs. Sassy Jamie Lynn looks at thje bright side, "Finally, I'm skinnier than that Lindsey Lohan biatch." (Entertainment Weekly)

Jamie Lynn Spears using a condom and looking fabulous

Synopsis: Dimwitted slut Jamie Lynn Spears likes to hump like a Louisiana jack rabbit but she insists that every dick she meets wears a condom. Her life is full and fabulous and no babies are harmed during the entire 90 minutes. (Entertainment Weekly)


Disclaimer

I really liked 40-Year Old Virgin. I've seen it like 12 times and I'm still rotfl. Yeah alright, not really, but it ain't easy to get me off the couch.

I paid 10 bucks to see Knocked Up, and Senator Quayle, you are no 40-Year Old Virgin. Good comedy requires the barest mimimum of reality and logic. I believed that Steve Carell was a virgin. I did not believe that the hot, snooty blonde was going to a.) ever sleep with Seth Rogen no matter how drunk and/or horny she was and b.) ever keep that baby and risk her career, and a life with a kid that wasn't as beautiful as mom.

I did not go to see Juno because it looks like the kind of movie you should take a date to and that leaves me at home -- on the couch. I did read the script and it is smart and well-written, BUT can't the smart, sassy, young woman use protection? AND why would a smart, sassy young woman assume that the right-wing, nut-job, Asian chick protesting in front of the abortion clinic was at all accurate about fetal fingernails? Those asswipes have been known to lie -- and kill people.

 

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