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The Dead Pope Sketch

Courtesy of Fox News, Shepard Smith and the late, great Pope

By Jay Melonosky


The authors would like to apologize in advance for the following bit. Many will feel that it is sacrilege to use a classic Monty Python bit for the purpose of making fun of the death of a pope. Please accept this bit as we intend it. As a homage to the great Monty Python. Thank you and enjoy.


I
wish to make a
complaint!
Sorry,
we're closing for lunch...
 
Never
mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this pope.
Oh yes, ah,
Pope John Paul II... What's, ah... W-what's wrong with him?
 
     
I'll
tell you what's wrong with him. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him.
No,
no, he's ah... he's resting.
 
Look, matey, I know a dead pope when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
There,
he moved!
 
     
No, he didn't, that was you pushing his head!
I
never!!
 
'ELLO
POPEEEEE! POP-EE! POPE JOHN PAUL! YOUR HOLINESS! WAKE UP!
Well,
he's... he's, ah... probably pining for Gdansk.
 
     
He's not pinin,' He's passed on! This pope is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late pope! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the throne he would be pushing up the daisies! His metabolical processes are of interest only to historians! He's hopped the
   
twig! He's shuffled off this mortal coil! He's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-POPE!
Well, we better replace him, then.
 
The
pope is finally dead.
Tonight
on the O'Reilly Factor. Why that commie, pinko bastard never sent the Vatican's Swiss Guard to Iraq.
 
     
   
Here -- he says he's not dead!
What,
are we gonna do that bit now? OK, well... he will be soon, he's very ill.
 
     
Breaking
news, the pope is not dead.
I
would give a heartfelt apology if that leftist, papist, McGovernite hadn't been so un-American that it made my skin crawl.
No,
you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
 
     
Ooops,
I kicked the plug.
Ah,
thanks very much.
The
pope is dead, again. No, really. We're pretty sure.
Against
the death penalty?!? What are you kidding me! Who do those Vatican-insiders think they are!?!
 


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