FAQs*

What the funhouse fudge happened to UncleMelon.com?
UncleMelon.com was taken in the night to Gitmo in a C-130 with no markings. Hours later it was secreted away to a black house in Romania where it is being buggered 24-7 by Dick Cheney and Anne Coulter.

Seriously, what happened to UncleMelon.com?
The web host went out of business without telling us and our name has been stolen by one of those silcon valley companies that don't answer their e-mails or have a phone number. And there is the backing up problem. We never did it. We blame the meth, the booze, and all those insatiable Bang Bus babes.

Why don't you write for National Lampoon anymore? The Huffington Post is funnier than that frickin site.
The writers at National Lampoon were replaced by streaming videos of Perdue frat boys. Damn those frat boys and their willingness to drink monkey pee and light their own farts for free!

*To be honest, the only question I get asked frequently is, "Paper or plastic?"